Loneliness:

No need for introduction

The chapter explores the human experience of loneliness and the fact that its prevalence has increased in recent years.

Abrams recalls the coldness and lack of connection he experienced growing up in New York City, where the convention is to not address strangers. In contrast, the Dalai Lama urges readers to make a connection with others through a smile or a greeting. Despite the individualistic nature of modern life, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop are insistent that we are bound to fellow humans throughout our lives. They remind readers that we all have the capacity for affection and connection. The Dalai Lama emphasizes that with a warmhearted attitude one is able to cultivate trust and friendship, which work to combat loneliness. In contrast, if one is self-focused then the likelihood of experiencing fear, distrust, and loneliness increases.

If you are filled with negative judgment and anger, then you will feel separate from other people. You will feel lonely. But if you have an open heart and are filled with trust and friendship, even if you are physically alone, even living a hermit’s life, you will never feel lonely.

- The Dalai Lama, Book of Joy, p. 129

Discussion Questions

The Dalai Lama states that the basic propensity for affection is not cultivated in our schools. Was that your experience? How might you imagine this could become a reality?

The Archbishop stresses the importances of institutions to provide welcoming spaces for warmth and fellowship. What might make you feel welcome and open to joining in?

How would you respond to Abrams' question: what is the difference between being alone and being lonely?

Do you agree with the Dalai Lama that your attitude determines whether or not you feel lonely?

Have you ever witnessed self-focussed attitudes leading to alienation?

Were you surprised to learn that self-focus has negative impacts on health? How have our surroundings encouraged self-focus (think of classroom experiences for example)?

How would you define or describe warmheartedness?

After reading the chapter, how would you describe the solutions to loneliness that the authors offer?

Activities

Watch Why You Shouldn’t Hate Small Talk from the Greater Good Science Center. Next, read the practice, Small Talk, consider when and where you might engage in this practice. Or listen to a related podcast from greater good science center.

Practice the Common Humanity Meditation to acknowledge the connections we have with others.

Practice Loneliness -- a common humanity practice (p. 320).

The Renee Crown Wellness Institute makes available a number of guides for students. The Get Connected worksheet helps visualize our interconnectedness and interdependence on others. The guide shares some tips for staying connected: reach-out, express gratitude, have fun, schedule a time to connect, learn together, small acts of kindness and more. Follow the instructions to get connected and reflect on your experience of the exercise.

TRY THIS:
• Do a small thing to help someone else, or the world.
• Do five kind things in one day, and feel stronger effects all week!

WHY?
Science shows that when we do something kind for another person or for the world — even when it’s tiny and takes only a few seconds — the joy effect for us is BIG.
From Mission Joy