Why are you not morose?

The Archbishop and Dalai Lama encourage more compassion and kindness to others and a resistance to relying on material things to bring happiness. They begin musings on the meaning of joy, while Abrams brings insights from Buddhist scholars and emotions researchers to extend the conversation.

The chapter poses the question of how the Dalai Lama is not morose, despite the hardships faced throughout his life including years in exile. The Dalai Lama describes his practice of taking a broad view of suffering and by recognizing the pain experienced by all members of humanity. He credits this perspective shift, from oneself to all of humanity, as that which relieves him of worry and a heavy heart. Together, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop discuss all the ways one might experience joy be that wonder, gratitude, pleasure, among many other human experiences. Listening to their dialogue, Abrams observes that what the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop possess is a “lasting joy -- joy as a way of being,” rather than just moments of joy.

Mind and heart. Materialistic values cannot give us peace of mind. So we really need to focus on our inner values, our true humanity. Only this way can we have peace of mind -- and more peace in our world.

- The Dalai Lama, Book of Joy, p. 30

Discussion Questions

How do you respond to the Dalai Lama’s statement: “We are not concerned enough with our inner values.”?

The two esteemed authors discuss “lasting joy – joy as a state of being.” How would you begin to differentiate this state from moments of happiness and pleasure?

The Dalai Lama approaches suffering with a practice of feeling compassion for others. What strategies do you use to manage challenges in your life? Or what strategies do you admire in others?

How can we widen our perspective to embrace all of humanity in order to reduce our own suffering?

When sharing his experience of exile, the Dalai Lama says: "wherever you have friends, that's your country, and wherever you receive love, that's your home." How do you respond to that claim?

The men argue that joy is in the mind and the heart. How did you respond to this notion?

Brainstorm what brings you joy. Reflecting on those things, would you characterize them as material or immaterial? Does that reflection surprise you or shift your response to this chapter?

Paul Ekman, an emotions researcher, offers a number of associations with joy. Take a few minutes to free write, draw, or move your body to express all the words and associations that come to mind for you when you think of joy.

Activities

Watch a video version of the conversation about the Dalai Lama’s exile and consider how you’d paraphrase the teaching captured within it.

Watch a brief talk given by Matthieu Ricard, buddhist monk and scientist, on the topic of happiness. Consider how his teaching differs or reinforces messages in The Book of Joy. Learn more about Matthieu Ricard.

Reflect on these prompts provided by Missionjoy.org:

“Joy subsumes happiness. Joy is a far greater thing. Think of a mother who is giving birth. Almost all of us want to escape pain. And others know that they are going to have pain, the great pain of giving birth. But they accept it. And even after the most painful labor, once the baby is out, you can’t measure the mother’s joy. It is one of those incredible things that joy can come so quickly from suffering.”

Can you think of a time in your own life when emotional or physical pain was combined with joy? Maybe something that required great effort, but resulted in great joy?
Journal about your experience, or about an experience you saw someone else go through.
Be sure to celebrate the joy that comes at the end of the story!