Envy

Envy is a destructive and dangerous emotion that may result in rage, competitiveness, and anger according to the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop.

The Archbishop encourages readers to accept that experiences of envy are natural, but he encourages them not to accept that they must feel guilty and self-critical as a result. Instead, he suggests using moments of envy as motivation to improve their situation or honestly reconsider their needs. The Dalai Lama offers an alternative strategy, “sympathetic joy,” to eliminate envy and to reduce experiences of negative emotion. With a genuine concern for others, we may engage in compassionate practices that combat emotions such as envy, the Dalai Lama claims. All of this is made possible by truly acknowledging our shared humanity.

For a person who is committed to compassion practice and a genuine sense of concern for others’ well-being, then you will rejoice in others’ good fortune because you will be happy that what that person aspires for is being obtained.

- The Dalai Lama, Book of Joy, p. 140

Discussion Questions

The chapter talks about envy being a pinching feeling or like weight on one's shoulders. How do you physically experience envy?

The Dalai Lama and the Archbishop take a slightly different view of jealousy. Did one or the other's guidance resonate more with you?

Do you think envy is indeed a result of a materialistic culture and concentration on individualism?

In moments of envy- do you agree that they are often accompanied by guilt?

If you shifted your view to believe that joy is limitless, would that lessen your experience of envy? Why or why not?

The Dalai Lama suggests that preventive measures will be most successful at discouraging envy. What might be some preventative practices?

How would you describe mudita?

Activities

Watch the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama discuss doing for the well being of others:

Read What Is Sympathetic Joy and How Can You Feel More of It?

Read How to Overcome Stress by Seeing Other People’s Joy.

This chapter cites the study of Capuchin monkey by Frans de Waal that revealed reactions to fairness and moral behavior. Watch the video Moral behavior in animals.

Practice Capitalizing on Positive Events from the Greater Good Science Center. And watch the video on How to Share in Someone Else's Happiness.

Listen to How to Be Your Best Self from the Science of Happiness podcast.